# of Days Recommitted to WW Current Weight Re-Start Weight Goal Weight Total Pounds Lost
234 189.50 226.50 140 37.50

What did I eat today? Food log @ FitDay.com

August 28, 2002

Iím down to 189.5 this week. Unbelievable, isnít it? That means that I am 49 pounds from goal. Iíve lost 37 pounds so far. Pretty soon Iíll be halfway to goal. I figure that I will be on this weightloss journey for another year. I figure the last half of the weightloss is going to occur very slowly, if not that will be a pleasant surprise. I found some new food items this week. I stopped at the World Market this past weekend and I picked up some Torni (Splenda flavored syrups) for my own diet Italian soda and I got some rye bread from Germany for a Tuna Sandwich. It has 110 calories and 8 grams of fiber. I havenít tasted it just yet so I will let you if itís good. I also secured two boxes of no pudge brownies. All I can say is that this was a big mistake because they are so so so so good! I had to hide the brownies so I wouldnít over eat them. Folks, if you have excellent willpower grab a box, if you donít, it would be advisable that you do not have these in your house unless company is company is coming over or you have a large family.

Itís been a strange week this week. Shawn and I had a nasty fight on Sunday about having a gun in the house. Iím against having a gun in the house at this time. I live in a small city and the crime rate is very low and I really donít feel safe with it at this time. He then got really angry at me and started screaming at me calling me a coward and when a gun is going to be pointed at my head or when another ďSeptember 11Ē happens again, Iím going to wish I had one. I didnít back down and told him that if he chose that, heís out of the apartment. Then he called me the ultimate worst thingÖthe C word. Needless to say I was furious. Then the next day, he acts like nothing happened. Crazy. Still, Iím not allowing in guns in my household at this time. It just goes in waves with himÖsometimes we do okay sometimes we donít but itís been months since Iíve felt that our relationship is okay. Itís not okay. I hoped him being back to work would be okay but so far it's not. On a better note, we saw Robert Plant and The Who yesterday. Ah, it was totally awesome Plant, Pete and Roger looked great and sounded awesome. It was probably one of the best concerts that I have ever been to. I would love to see the Stones in Detroit but the tickets are way too expensive so Iíll just have to make do.

Iím struggling with the school issue right now. Iím getting nervous about taking the GRE and going through the selection process. Those little demons in my head are stating ďOh, youíre not good enough for that, youíre not smart enough, you donít have enough money, etc.Ē Iím just having one of those internal battles you know. Well thatís it for me todayÖtake care all-Kellie

August 22, 2002

Who says seven months doesnít do anything! Before I couldnít even fit into these pants but now I have them on. They are not ready to wear out just yet but itís looking pretty good. I figure another ten pounds and they will look perfect. Iíve been on this weightloss journey for a long time folksÖsome of you have been with me since I started back in 99Öand here itís taken this long for me to finally get things together. It honestly feels good to be where Iím at right now. Things are going nice and steady. Iím making wise food choices and I never feel deprived. Four things that work for me is that I drink my 10 glasses of water a day, I eat three meals a day, I exercise 4 Ė 5 times a week, and I journal. No funny tricks here, just being mentally prepared, physically prepared, and just sure determination. Hopefully you are all in the same place as I. Take care all-Kellie

August 19, 2002

This has been a rough two work weeks. Two weeks ago, a coworker was fired from the agency because his paper work was not fast enough. So for a week, we all sat around on eggshells wondering who would be next. Then last Monday, a coworker Nick, who was 47, was killed on his way home. He died instantly. He was in the southbound lane, a car clipped him at the intersection, and he spun into the northbound traffic lane. I was one minute a head of him. I saw him leave the building with another coworker. He took the long way with the light, I took the stop sign. I had no idea that he was in an accident until I got to work the next morning and everyone was crying. I started balling for two hours that morning. Scary how oneís life at risk every day. I was just a minute a head of him. Nick was the head of Quality Improvement, which was getting us ready for the aligning with the other CMH boards in November and getting us up to date with the government standards, and implementing new computer systems. Now the agency is going to be lost without him. I went to the visitation and funeral both were sad. Nick and his family were close and it was just so sad to see that. The visitation had no casket, just the remains in a plain box. Now that was strange but the personal touch was a lifetime of photos celebrating his life. That was very comforting. The funeral was nice until Nicks ex-wife got up to speak read a creepy poem titled ďI wish you were deadĒ. They had this open mic for people to verbalize their memories of Nick. Then we she got up there, it was just like ďargh!Ē. Needless to say, it was an emotionally rough week. The one thing this week has helped with is that I have finally realized that life is short and I have to start participating in it again!

Even though it was a rough week, I stayed on plan but I was unable to hit WW this week. So I know Iím down in weight but Iím not too sure how much. Iíve been working out diligently. Now complaints in that department. My body is really showing some improvement. Iím slowly fitting into some 16s. I keep on plugging away. Well sorry for such a short post, but Iíll try to get another one up here laterÖtake care all-Kellie

August 4, 2002

Where the hell have I been? Well I actually just got way too busy in the past few weeks. It looks like things are going to settle down now. My past few weekends were spent with my folks and I just got back from Ann Arbor today. I had my final school social work certification class so I am now eligible for a temporary permit for school social work in the state of Michigan. So my back up plan is now completeÖnow I have to focus on the GRE and saving money. I only have about $1250 in the bank for school so I have to get right on it because that is my main plan. I applied for a job at the local community college but I doubt if I will hear from them because 500 applicants applied for the four positions as an academic counselor. Funny thing, I never thought about an administrative college positionÖnow that is something to think about because the money is there. For instance the job I applied for starts out at $51,000 and tops out at $65,000 now that is unbelievable. Pray for me people, maybe by some fluke I will get an interview.

Iím down to 192.50 though I was unable to weigh in this week because of being in Ann Arbor and all of the meeting times in Warren were not flexible to the schedule I was on. This was the first time I ever missed a weigh in and you know what, it doesnít feel good at all. Iím going to have to be very careful this week to be disciplined and aware of the choices I make. I can do it but the meetings and weigh in help a lot. Iím one of those people who need that type of accountability to the scale. The meetings are nice because they really affirm what you are supposed to be practicing as a weight watcher. The good thing that I did this week while I was in Ann Arbor was that I took a whole bunch of 2 mile walks so that really help out. I havenít walked in so long that I completely forgot the joys of actual walking (especially in the Ďburbs because you can see the various houses). Iíll have to start walking around my neighborhood...well of course when I get some timeÖargh!

Of course, when I was in Detroit I got to hit the Salvation Army and I walked out with a ton of clothes. I got 2 pair of pants (Docker Khakis for $1.99 and Eddie Bauer Jeans for $2.99 both in mint condition), then I got a ton of tops from Eddie Bauer, Gap, Banana Republic, and Old Navy prices ranging from .99 Ė 2.99. I also found a few Ebay finds so I walked out of there spending $75! But enough tops to give me some variety for fall because I need to downsize my clothing. Just think, if I bought all of those clothes new, it would have probably would have cost me around $1000 and here I spent $75ÖIím such a bargain hunter :)

Nothing is changing in the relationship area here. Shawn and I are still strained. Plus it doesnít make matters worse when I hear what real relationships are like. What I mean by that is that I look around at these couples and see that they truly love each other. At times, I look at Shawn and I and thinkÖwe really are just putting up with each other. Heck, I can go without seeing him for 7 days and it doesnít bother me. Iím totally confused. I love Shawn as a person but as a husbandÖ? My sister pointed out that I always have to have something chaotic with my life. There has never been a time where everything was balanced and for the past 7 years, my unbalance was Shawn, before that it was Mike, combined with my body and school issues. She wants me to go see someone about it because she thinks itís gotten to a sick point with me. I think sheís right but being a therapist Iím still reluctant. I know what I need to do but Iím just dragging me heels and to make matters worse, heís living with me because I felt sorry for him and now he has 7 weeks left of unemployment with no job prospectivesÖthere is just nothing for graphic design right now. I asked him if he would consider applying to some part time jobs but he stated ďThereís no benefits in that KellieĒ but I told him, at least itís a job and he has no right to be choosy at this time because there is nothing out there. If he doesnít have a job by September 15th, itís got to be get a job or get the f*** out. Sorry just ventingÖ.not like anything is going to change but I need an outlet. I think Iím just frustrated by this whole situation.

My Vistors Since August 4, 2002

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