# Of Days On Diet Current Weight Start Weight Goal Weight Total Pounds Lost
259 200 237 140 37

Kellie and Carrie

This is my sister Carrie and Me on her wedding day. We just had our hair fixed.

January 31, 2000

Exercise: 32 laps (800 yards) lap swim, 8 laps kick board (200 yards), 8 laps back kick (200 yards), and 10 laps (250) pulls. Plus machines.

I made dinner for the girls at my internshipÖmost of them liked it but heck they are pregnant and chicken Parmesan isnít appealing to everyone. It worked out pretty good so I canít complain. I love to cook dinners; Iím more of a main entrťe type of person. In two weeks, I am making chili for them. Around here in KY, people think that you have to add noodles to chiliÖwhat are they thinking? I love chili with meat, beans, and topped with cheese. Just call me Kellie Crocker!

Yesterday my swim cap broke so I had to cut my workout short. Long hair and swimming do not work very well so I decided to go buy a swim cap. The only place I could think about getting one is at the mall. They have a Speedo store there. So I finish up and run over there. The store has a small selection so I pick up a white cap and without looking at the price I slap it on the counter. The cashier rings up the cap, maíam your total comes to $8.15. I stood there in shock because a swim cap isnít more than $2.00. So I pick my jaw up from the floor and purchase the dumb capÖI grumbled my way out of the mall. So when I get home and jump on the puter I find out that the cap is only $1.25 at FogDogSports.com so I ordered 2 latex caps and a silicone cap for $6.00. As soon as my caps get here, Iím going to return that darn cap because instead of having 1 for $8.15, I got 3 for $6.00. Iím still waiting on my new suit from FogDog because itís backordered. It will be nice to get it soon because my suit is fading badlyÖmy once stunning blue suit is now a dull blue. See what chlorine can do to something? Thatís why it is important to rinse off your hair, body, and equipment because that chlorine can do some damage. Well, thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

January 30, 2000

Exercise Yesterday: 30 laps (750 yards) swimming, 6 kick (150), and 6 pulls (150).

I got pissed yesterday at the pool. After my workout, 3x a week I use their weight room. They have those cybex machines, which I use for my arms, abs, and legs. Anyways, I first hop on the fly machine. Then this man is standing there watching meÖlike he wants to jump on the machine. I do 3 sets with 10 reps with a 30-second rest. So he starts to grumble when I do my rest. Iím only sitting there for 30 seconds resting!!! I do my set then I get off and as I pass him I give him a dirty a@@ed look, like ďYou JerkĒ. So I continue on my workout, yeah people use the machine I want but I donít stand there and watch them or look at them to get on the machine, I find something else to do. So another guy is using the leg extension machine, then he gets off. I walk over adjust the settings and seat (it takes at least 30 seconds to adjust the seats and parts). I do one set with a 30 second rest, then he chippers in ďAre you going to rest for very long?Ē I was getting pissed, hereís a second guy trying to push me off a machine, I said ďNO, I rest for thirty seconds and then I do another setÖIS THAT GOING TO BE A PROBLEM???Ē so he gets this look of stun that I added the ďproblem statementĒ (I know them are fightiní words). He said ďNo, itís not going to be a problemÖyou just have a quick restÖI do a minute rest and then I hop on another machine and come backĒ. Well, I wasnít about to move because a 30 second rest is fairÖso I sit there for 30 seconds, so what? So the person will have to wait. Now if I waited a minute between sets I would get up and allow another to do a set but 30 seconds is fair. Okay, so I was rude to him but he was rude too. I thought it took a lot of nerve to question me about restingÖI felt guilty afterward for being rude but now when thinking about it Iím glad I stood up for myself. Then it made me wonder, would he do that for a woman or a man who was in shape? Did he say something because I was new in there? I donít know but Iíll be doing my 30 seconds rests on the machines so people can wait.

Iím going to go over to the pool today at 11:00. They open at 10:00 for the masterís team but the public thinks they open at 12:00 so I will have the pool for myself for an hour. I love it. Weekends at the pools are always busy, especially on Saturdays because they have meets. So I long for Sunday when there is some quietness. I donít have any problems during the week with the pool, just on Saturdays.

Itís the Super Bowl today and Iím proud to say that I am not going to do my annual tradition of gorging myself with Hot Wings for BW-3. For the last 3 years, every super bowl I would consume 20 hot wings (yes, 20 hot wings) dipped in blue cheese (I probably used a half of bottle of T. Marzettiís!) is that not heart attack material there? I couldnít even think of doing that now since changing my habitsÖyeah, hot wings are tasty but the thought of them make me want to gag right now!

Some weekends I like to take a look at other journalers to see how others are doing on their weightloss journeys. It was pleasant to see that I was among the norm. What I mean, the people who started at the same time as me using WW123 have lost about the same amount of weight as me or more. I often wonder if those people get discouraged because they are taking it off slowly. I know that I am happy taking it off slow but I wonder what are othersí reactions. Do they like WW or are they looking for other means to lose the weight? And I always run into journals that are deadÖyou know the people that start off great then all of a sudden stop. Iíve chatted many times about this before but every time when I go looking out there I come across motivated people who started off strong but they stopped. What happened, did they lose their motivation, did they not lose weight one week, did they hit a plateau and stop? What makes people like me stay on it? I know Iíve been 200 pounds for the last 3 monthsÖam I upset about it? Nope, not at all because Iím looking good and I like the way I feel. I figure when I am 160, which is only 40 away, I will be one fine KellieÖnot that Iím not looking good now but Iím excited to see the changes in myself. I like to see my muscles get stronger and stronger. I can see the changes. All I have to say to people who are losing their motivation is to stay strong and look at diets as a lifestyle change. Some changes are slow to progress but they are so worth it in the long run. Hang in there! Itís worth itÖwhen you work hard for something your more apt to value it more.

Itís the TOM time!!! So of course I didnít lose any weight this week so again, I am 200. I want to break 199 next week. I probably will because when I lose the water weight of TOM, I should be about 199 right nowÖit had to come so I will hopefully will report a loss next week. Keep on truckiní, take care all-Kellie 237/200/140 60 more ponds to go!

January 27, 2000

Exercise: 40 laps (1000 yards) swimming, 10 pulls (250 yards), and 6 kick (150 yards).

I just got done watching the presidential address. All I have to say is GOOO CLINTON!!! Yup, I am proud to announce that I am a democrat! I was impressed with his speech, I must admit this was the first one I was able to sit through. Though, I must admit Gore scares me a bit...not Al Gore but the grand old TIPPER, Queen of censorship. Iíve heard about her since I was in the 6th grade and now she might be the first lady. If Senator McCain wasnít so pro-life, I would vote for him. Okay, Iím pro-choice tooÖthough, I wouldnít get an abortion myself, I believe women should have the option to. Would I let the people at my internship know this? Of course not because they are pro-life. They are doing great deeds and I am glad to be a part of it. I would never enforce my pro-life choices on anyone AND for people I would counsel, I would encourage all women STRONGLY to consider life over death but it is ULTIMATELY HER DECISION NOT MINEÖso does that mean Iím pro-life? Heck, I donít know. A fetus is amazingÖI believe a 20-week-old child is a living thing. I believe life starts at conception but would I take away the right to choose? NO, this is AmericaÖthe land of choice. The decision is yoursÖnot mine. Enough of that stuff! These are my beliefs and like all we have our own opinions on this strong subject. This is my opinion and my opinion only nor would I never push my beliefs on anyone else.

Awesome workout todayÖI was smokiní again today. My legs are looking better; all I have to do is shave themÖitís beginning to look like a forest down there. Luckily I just have light little hair so I can get away with shaving once a week. I must confess, I usually have hairy legs in the winter. In the summer they are nice and shaved but in the winter I need my soft fur (just joking). Thank goodness Iím not a hairy woman, so yes, I can get away with shaving my legs once a week. The arms are a different storyÖI have to break out the razor 3x a week for that. I must have overactive arm pit hairs. Besides, no one is checking me out at the pool. Hell, I wouldnít even know if someone was checking me out. I havenít been hit on since my junior year in college (when Shawn was picking me out). I must admit for the longest time when I was heavier I felt asexualÖwhen I was gaining my weight I just stopped having sex because I felt so unsexual. It was like I was ashamed of myself and who I was. Honestly, I didnít like weighing 240ÖI felt so trapped inside of myself. For a time, I accepted the fact that I wasnít ever going to be able to lose the weight ever. 100 pounds seemed so far away, like it was untouchable. At the time I could fathom being on a diet for a year and half. But you know what has change? Me. My thinking habits have changed. A diet is a lifestyle changeÖhow I am eating now is how I will eat in 5, 10, 15 + from now. Yeah, a little part of me wishes the weight would just melt off of me but Iím happy Iím taking it slow. Why is this? Well honestly I have issues, body issues that carry on over to my personal issuesÖand I a working on them as the weight creeps off. I always felt fat when I was youngerÖI never felt thin. But the funny thing is that I never saw the fat Kellie in the mirror, I always visualized the skinny Kellie. I didnít see myself for what I really was. I wanted to make changes but how could I? I felt powerless. Then stepped in my sister, Carrie. I have a lot of thanks to give her because she gave me a nice talkiní too. She put things in perspective and she gave me hopeÖhope that I could lose weight. Then I called the WW at home hotline and I got my weightloss materials. Iím working on things interpersonallyÖwhen I get to 140 pounds, I donít EVER want to think Iím fat. Thatís part of becoming healthy again, not only physically but also mentally. I was reading in that Body for Life book that people are past, present, or future orientated. Guess where I am? Iím stuck in the past especially when it concerns my relationship. I must say I was doing okay with him until Christmas. When I was bringing him back we got in this awful fightÖit was like he emotionally raped me. My definition of emotional rape is where they push the buttons to make you feel emotionally overloaded. Anyways he said I was confrontational and mean with my parents. This made me really upset because I was actually horrible to my parents when I was little and I would never want to treat them badly now. I didnít get it because I thought we got along great during the break (both my folks and him). I thought he was just trying to start shit with me. Then we got into an argument about me leaving him up in Michigan and it wasnít fair that I moved to Kentucky. I told him I felt dead in Michigan, like I wasnít a whole person. And I wasnít. My life was so intertwined with his it made me sick; it was like my own personal prison that I created. I have a life here in Louisville, I like my life, and Iím getting really scared about my future. I donít know where Iím going, what Iím doing but I donít want to go back to being the Old Kellie. Iím afraid at timesÖI must admit. Iím afraid of doing irrational things like living a life that I donít want to live. Gosh, Iím suck a weakling at times. Damn, I swear sometimes I need to go into counseling about this. Maybe I should so I could work on it because it does need fixing. Yuck, Iím blabberingÖI guess I needed to get it out sometimes or maybe itís that time of the month. Please Forgive and I will be thinking clearer tomorrow. Take care all-Kellie

January 26, 2000

Exercise: 30 laps (750 yards) swimming, 6 laps (150 yards) pulls, and 6 laps (150 yards). Machines: flys, chest, leg, and abs.

WhoaÖhad an awesome workout today. In some of the exercises, I think Iím going to increase my weight. Oh, and just call me the Kellie, Ab Mistress. I am becoming addicted to that machine because I am getting better at it. The workout woman said I wouldÖat the time I was learning the machine I thought never but I am surprised that it is becoming easier for me. I put 35 (-) resistance on it. I want to work my way up to zero, which will take a long time but it is worth it. I think when I go on Friday, Iíll put it on 33 (-) pounds. Hopefully, there will be some results soon. I was doing this one leg thing where I lay on my stomach and flex weights up and I was looking in the mirror and GAWD was my butt bigÖit looked awful sticking up in the air. The first thing that came to my mind is that it looked like a buffalo butt! I had to giggle a little bitÖI swear, I am not lying about this..though, I guess you had to be there but I had a good time with it.

I bought a radio that is waterproof from Speedo off ebay. Iíve been debating about buying one but they had one on there so I had my heart set on winning it. I will never have to wonder about what goes on with Stern when I get to the pool. You see he usually has a great bit right before I go in and I know I have to workout out so I never get to find out what happens. Yeah, Iím a Stern lover..so what..he makes me laugh. He puts me in a good mood in the morning so now I can be in a better mood because I can listen to all of his show. I canít wait Ďtil I get it. I bought a new bathing suit last week from FogDogSports.com but it is backordered for three weeks. My blue suit is wearing out. I guess 5 months for a life of a suit is good. Speaking of suits, I found the perfect thin suit for me but they took it off the Speedo site because it was last yearís model. My loss, I loved that suit. Weíll thatís it for me today, take care all! Kellie

January 25, 2000

Exercise yesterday: Slow swim: 30 laps (750 yards), 4 laps with pulls (100 yards), 4 kick boards (100 yards). Weights: Fly, Chest, Abs, legs, arms.

Iím tired today so I donít think Iíll work out. I figure 5x a week working out is not bad. The last time I had a non-workout day was Friday and that was because of my schedule. I have no idea how many times I should work out a week so Iím just going by what my body tells me. As for the weight training, I will do that 3x a week. Last week the Ab machine was killing me but my tummy is adjusting to it. I wonder about four months down the road, if I keep on continuing to do it, will it be nice and toned? Hopefully.

I worked on the buddy page and I decided that I will have a current weigh in so people donít feel pressure to weigh in. Sometimes I feel that I annoy people with the board and I donít want to do that because I just want a forum to celebrate peopleís weightloss journeyís. So when it comes to the board, you can still weigh in every week but it doesnít have to be every week but I would hope that people would post at least every six weeks. Since I donít have the weightloss meeting to attend, I really donít have any outlet for I, the page is my outletÖI know ww meetings are good but I just canít afford to drop $10 a week. Besides, I feel I get enough support here on the web. There are tons of good sites out there that help me with losing my weight. Thatís one good thing about the web. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

January 23, 2000

Exercise: 1000 yards (40 laps)swimming,200 yards (8 laps) pulls, and 100 yards (2 laps) kickÖYes Iíve finally updated the swim page!!!

I was a recluse this weekend I swear. I didnít feel like go out with some friends so I stuck it home plus it didnít help matters that it snowed yesterday so I didnít want to go driving out in that. Itís not that I canít drive in snow (you know Iím formerly from MI) but these Louisville drivers are nuts, they have no clue of what it takes to drive in the snow. So what did I do this weekend? Well I worked out yesterday weight machines and the pool. I had to fight for a lane in the pool yesterday because they had a meet. The private schools around Louisville use the facility and it was packed. That kind of pissed me off because I am a paying customer and the facility didnít even have a lane for plain lap swimmers. I had a slow, controlled workout yesterday in the poolÖit was nice and relaxing. Then I made my way to the weight room. I got on the treadmill for 15 minutes, I did the fly machine for the arms and another machine for the arms, then I did that chest pull machine, then I did the ab machine, and finally I worked on my legs and back. My abs are still kind of uncomfortable today but Iíll get better at it. Iím just happy to be back in the pool and working out. Then today I wanted to go to an auction but I lost the address and I couldnít find it. That ticked me off. So I thought I knew where it was so I jumped in the car and tried to find itÖI was hoping that the auction had signs up. Guess what? They didnít so I came home and went to the pool. Great workout too!

What consumed most of my time was that I am putting clothes that I lost out of on ebay. Iíve got to put the rest of the clothes on there today. I really hate to do this because they are really nice clothes and itís such a waste to see them go. Most of them are in mint condition, brand new. Most of the items I have on there have hardly been worn. Like my favorite skirt suit, purple and blue plaid outfit, black dress, and red striped shirt I hate to see go but I canít keep them anymore because they just donít fit right anymore. If you are interested in bidding on any of them, hereís the link. Hopefully someone will get some use on them. Check on them later because Iíll be putting most of them on tonight or tomorrow. Iím just waiting for the pics to get back so I can scan them in. The money I get from them will go to my credit card debit. Iím trying to pay it off before I graduate so I wonít have to worry about a bill or interest when I donít have a job. Speaking of credit cardÖif any of you havenít checked out more.com, I suggest you do so because they are ending their charter customer deal on the 26th. Being a charter customer means you freeze the products price for lifeÖlike Iím getting cough syrup, tampons, and mascara for a $1.00 for the rest of my life. You know how much money Iím going to save??? I bought an exercise ball from them last night. Iíve seen them around and I think they would be great to have. I hear they do great exercises for your back and legs. Weíll see if it works.

I finally put up a new pic and updated my measurements. I think I lost about 2 inches last monthÖnot bad. Well thatís it for me today, take care all! Kellie

January 20, 2000

Exercise: 1 hour of lap swim and machines

Iíve been busy the last couple of daysÖIíve been trying to get back into the swing of things with school and internship. Everything seems so overwhelming with those two because it feels like I am missing out somewhere. Thatís one thing I hate about missing the first week of school. It just feels like Iím behind everyone else. Like my internship was totally boring the other day so I started to play solitaire on the computer. So then this other intern said to the others in the office, ďKellieís working hard by playing solitaire!Ē well, Iím so sorry that I am not as busy as her but what am I supposed to do when I have absolutely nothing to do!!! I guess I am supposed to look busy all the time. It doesnít help that she is hoarding the client load. So far she has 3 clients, the other intern and me have only 1! She was trying to grab one of mine evenÖI can see wanting to do good and help people but I have to learn too because Iím a student too.

Well, I got that body for life book and Iíve decided to use the exercises in it but the diet is crap. It isÖI found out a little too late though so Iím selling the book on ebay. Iím sorry, a diet composed of $65 dollar milkshakes from EAS (a company that supports his book) and bland stemmed basic food is not for me! The weight machine diagrams are great in the book but Iím not going to hold onto a book that is going to collect dust because Iím not going to ever use the book. So if you want itÖitís on ebay but folks but I suggest keeping money in your pocket.

I added some weight machines to the workout. Iíll be using them 3 times a weekÖbut I donít know if I will do it before or after my workout in the pool. Iíll probably do the machines after because man am I worn out tonight. Food wise Iím doing awesomeÖthe cravings now have subsided!!! So Iím making it through the week. Take care all-Kellie

January 17, 2000

What did I eat today? Check it out!

Iím baaacckkkk! I had a wonderful time at the wedding. It was the cutest ceremony, the minister did a real good job, and she was really creative. Everything was wonderful though I must admit, itís not making me run to the alter just yetÖIím definitely not ready for it!

I, Kellie, must admit I over ate last week and the consequence is that I gained 3 pounds so Iím back up to 200. It was hard not to eat poorly last week because my sister and brother in law had no food in their apartment and with all the running we were doing we ate out a ton. Do I feel guilty? No not exactly. I think if I felt guilty, I would feel like I did something wrong which may result into negative reinforcement tendencies (like going back to my old lifestyle). So I ate poorly but Iím back on track today. Though I must say it was hard today to get back into the swing of things. When you eat like crap itís hard to get that taste for the crap out of your system but I fought my urges and won!

Iím going back to the pool tomorrow. Iíve missed my stress release of swimming. It will feel great to be back into the swing of things. I just want things to return to normal. I know I will have to work hard to return to where I was but itís worth it. I have five months to lose 30 pounds. Ideally, I would like to be about 170 when I graduate with my masterís degree. I think thatís possible. It would be nice.

I bought that body 4-life book today. When I was in Michigan, my sister and me went to borders and I picked it up because Iíve heard a few things about it. I didnít buy it then because it was $16.95 but Iíve thought about it and I decided to buy it from Barnes and noble. There is this great website that gives coupons to Internet business, Amazing Bargains and he had a coupon for Barnes and noble, $10 off a $10 order so I ordered the book and I got it for $6.00!!! What a great deal. If you are thinking about ordering stuff online I suggest you visit his website because he saved me a bundle this Christmas and for school. I bought all of Shawnís stuff online and it saved me $45 bucks and I just bought some textbooks from Varsitybooks.com and Barnesandnoble.com and I save $150 because of all the coupons. What can I say, Iím a bargain hunter!!! Iíll let you know about that body 4 life book. Iím not going to go off my weight watchers because itís the best program out there but I would like to do the exercises that he has in the book. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

January 5, 2000

Iím battling the stomach flu right now. I was supposed to leave yesterday but I came down with the flu on Monday night. Me and my sister were supposed to leave for Michigan but sheís sick too so we are not leaving until Friday. I feel better today but I went to the Doctor to see if I could make the flu last a shorter amount of time. Luckily, I didnít vomit but I have the big ďDĒ. Iíve been living on Gatorade, jello, and dry toast. The doctor gave me some medication so hopefully I will beat it before Friday. Iíll just take it easy until then so I doubt I will make another post before then. So I would like to take the chance to thank all my readers for supporting my page. Iíll be back the 17th of January. Wish me luck, health, and wellness and a safe trip to Michigan. Thanks! Take care all-Kellie

January 1, 2000

Happy New Year to all!! Iíve officially made it through the holidays and I didnít gain any weight! That is the first for me. I had a wonderful Christmas vacation so far. The one thing that has bugged me is that Iíve had to stay off-line a ton this vacation. I thought I would have had time to tinker with the page but the folks are not too keen on me tying up the phone lines (we only have one) family members and friends have called and stated things like ďI tried to call earlier but the phone line was busyĒ which ticks off the folks because they think Iím online constantly which Iím not. Iíve tried to be as respectful as I could.

I donít have any New Years Resolutions. I never do because I always break them. I only kept to one resolution in my life so far. Last year, I made the resolution to wear make-up because I didnít. I wore it last year all the time but when summer hit, I stopped. Since then, I really havenít worn any. Resolutions are crazy anyway! Though, have you noticed that there hasnít been much talk about them this year?

Okay, I need some adviceÖ I have an old friend; we were attracted to each other but because where we were in life, we didnít act on it. I was going off to college and he was in 11th grade. I lost contact with him and his family and I moved from the state they lived in. Every year I sent him and his family a Christmas card though. Usually each year in the card they state call us when you are in the area. When I was in the area before, I was too embarrassed to see them because I had gone from 140 to 240 in two short years. Now Iím down to 197 but Iím far from being the size twelve that I once was. I know I shouldnít be embarrassed of myself but I canít help feeling that way. Donít get me wrong, I love the way I look but I canít forget the reactions of people that I hadnít seen in a while when I was 240 and they looked at me like an alien, like I wasnít the same person. So I am pondering if I should give them a call while I am in town. I would really like to see them but I donít want to shoot my ego because Iím feeling really good about myself right now. Any help before the 4th would be appreciated. Has anyone been in this situation? If so please advise. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie 237/197/140 57 more pounds to go!!!

My Vistors Since January 1, 2000

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