# of Days Recommitted to WW Current Weight Re-Start Weight Goal Weight Total Pounds Lost
503 160.50 226.50 140 66.00

I updated my progress pictures!!

May 25, 2003

HumÖweight watchers yesterday did not occur. But I know for a fact that I have lost because my scale says Iím 151. Folks, itís been a rough week. You know how my last post was about Nirvana? Well todayís post is about the complete opposite because it hasnít been Nirvana. Last Saturday night, I decided to do some checking up on Chris. Iím an extremely cautious individual due to past experiences, especially by the way we met because on the internet, you can be whom ever you want. I knew he was on a catholic dating site because when we were at his computer, the AutoFill came on so I checked to see if the profile was still offÖguess what? It was reactivatedÖmeaning that it was just reposted. I was pissed. I thought, maybe it was a mistake. Just in case, I posted a fake profile on the site. I figured that if he was honest, he wouldnít reply to the post. Come the next morning, he emailed the fake profile. I was shocked, numb, and extremely hurt. After further browsing, I found his profile listed on the net 4 other places. I didnít do anything on Sunday but cry and look at the ceiling. I couldnít believe this was happening. I had no clue that he was unhappy, freaked out, etc. He presented as happy. So what was I to do? Confront? I just couldnít bring myself to do it. Nor could I do it on Monday or Tuesday when I saw him. Wednesday, I couldnít hold myself together, I was upsetÖvery upset. I was like this until yesterday and then I just couldnít take it anymore. When he called, I was crying and he said ďKellie, is everything okay?Ē ďNo, Iíve found them all. All of your profiles on the net. What is going on?Ē. He fessed up and then he said he needed a day to process everything because he has been freaked out by us. I said okay to the day. I was going to give him a day but I just couldnít so I drove out to his place before he got home from work and we talked. Heís got major issues. Heís still grieving from his wife, he thinks he killed her because he got her pregnant, heís afraid to be sexual in fears of getting me pregnant, he feels like he is cheating on his wife, heís jealous of his best friend who just had a baby because thatís where he is supposed to be in life, and heís afraid to get attached to me. So he has a lot of issues. He needs some major counseling and he needs to get back on his meds. So after a long discussion, weíre going to be less physical, heís going to counseling and church, and heís going to communicate more. This is his one and only chance with me because he redeemed himself. One more screw up and heís gone. What I need to do is be more of myself in this relationship. Iíve been too easy for him, too available. Itís not going to be like that anymore. At least once every two weeks, I wonít be able to go out with him when asked. I need to be more independent, more outgoing, and less accessible. Thatís the way it is because our relationship has changed drastically. Iím going to be more guarded and keep my options open. Thatís the way it is. Iíll be okay folksÖI may like this fish but I can't forgot there are many fishes in the sea.

On a lighter note, I was going to go antiquing today but I was just outside of Holland, MI and I noticed that Chicago was only 140 miles away. So I thought, ROAD TRIP!! I took a trip down to IKEA and folks, I fell in love! I got a whole bunch of goodies for myself. I really did well. I got some picture frames, artwork, a beautiful mirror, a CD holder, multiple shoe racks, and a few other things. Iíve been dying to go to this place for years so it was really nice to finally go there. The place is huge! I even had lunch there. I had the grilled salmon, steamed broccoli, roasted red potatoes, and a roll. Oh, it was so good! It was a great visit and I really needed some time to be alone and get away after the week I had.

Despite the week, Iím still keeping on plan. Gone are the days that I seek comfort food. Itís rough to deal with the emotions but I would rather do that then to numb myself with a big mac. Well thatís it for me tonight, take care all-Kellie

May 16, 2003

Howdy! Unfortunately, I wasnít able to weigh in last week because I spent the whole weekend at Chrisís place. Iím going in tomorrow for a meeting. Iím thinking the scale will tell me that I stayed the same because TOM showed up today so I normally put on a few pounds from it. With as busy as my week has been, I actually made it to Curves 3 times this week. I think Iím going to lose 15 more pounds and then maintain my weight. Iíve been eating at the top of my point range lately so I figure that the next 15 pounds is going to come off slowly. Thatís okay. Iím wearing a size 12 / 14 now so I really donít want to get much smaller. I wouldnít mind firming up my stomach area a little more but I figure thatís going to take a while. Overall, I just really like my body right now. I almost feel like Iím at the perfect weight but yet the scale says I have 5 more pounds to lose and then Iím not classified as ďoverweightĒ. Humm! I feel healthy! Not overweightÖ

Life is good right now. I havenít had this feeling of Nirvana in a long time. Heck, I donít know if I ever had. I have stability in all the areas of my life. Iím in love with a great man, my weight is under control and I have a healthy relationship with food, work is going fine, and everything else is doing good. StabilityÖitís a nice feeling. Okay, so if you couldnít tell from my gushing, Chris and I are doing excellent. Weíre going on vacation together up north in two months!!! From July 16th Ė 22nd we will be exploring around the mackinaw area. So itís going to be me, Chris, and his golden retriever named SandyÖthatís a nice thought, all of us together. Weíre going to use his camper, so it will be a rather cheap trip. Though I better start saving for it now because a little extra money might come in handy. He pays for everything. Iíve been able to treat him to a few things though. I always had to pay when I was with Shawn. In fact, I would go so far to say that I paid for 90% of the outings that I had with Shawn. I should have known that I needed to drop him then. Oh well, if I had, I wouldnít have been where I am right now.

My apartment complex is having a garage sale next weekend. Iím looking forward to selling a whole bunch of crap because God knows that I have more than enough stuff to get rid of. Iím so excited for it. Iím going to sell my clothes for $2 a piece. I figure thatís a good amount to ask for. Not too cheap, just right. Carrieís going to come over and help me sell so that will be a big help to me. So out with the oldÖand maybe now my den and closets could be used for a more appropriate space!

How do you like my new frames? Iím going in for an eye exam tomorrow and Iíve decided to have two pairs of glasses now. Iím going to get the same frames as I do now and then I got a pair of Nicole Millerís off of ebay for $28 so Iím going to put some lenses in there for a second pair. I figured that it would be nice to switch on and off, depending on how I feel. I called around to all of the eye places and the cheapest place is Samís club. They have thin lenses starting at $64Önot bad, er? I can deal with that. Well, thatís it for me tonight, take care all-Kellie

May 6, 2003

OhÖI canít believe itís been so long between posts! Gosh, I didnít mean to do that. Things are going good here. Iíve stayed the same during the past two weeks. I attribute that to eating at the top of my point range and only being able to work out at Curves 2 Ė 3 times a week. That makes a huge difference because I was working out 4 times a week. This week it looks like Iíll be able to hit Curves four times so Iím looking forward to it. The way Iím looking at this, at least Iím maintaining so it feels really good to say that. I think the most frustrating thing lately is that Iíve been snacking a lot lately. Chris and I went to Birch Run (a huge outlet shopping center) and we stopped at the Pepperidge Farm Outlet and I bought some croutons, little fishes, and snack sticks. Unfortunately, Iíve been hitting those hard. So hard in fact that Iím giving away the remaining bags of fishes I bought because they just donít need to be around. I would take a bread crunchy item over any candy bar, any day. I love salty bread itemsÖI just canít get enough of them.

My closet is beginning to irate me. Iíve noticed that Iíve accumulated too many winter items and not enough spring clothes. Iíve also noticed that I need to sell my stuff on ebay a little more because I have a ton of stuff that needs to go. I spent the majority of Sunday sorting out my items wither I should sell it at a Garage sale or I should attempt to sell it on ebay. I noticed that half of my stock needs to be sold at a yard sale. Iím thinking in the coming weeks that I should attempt to convince Chris to let me use his drive way for a garage sale. He lives in the perfect area for a garage sale because he is a mile off the main road and his house is in a weekend resort area and people from the town are kind of poor. I figure selling the items for $1.50 each would be a good deal just so I can get the stuff off my hands because I would really like to clean out my computer room and turn it into an office or a den like it was before. Right now itís just one big storage room and itís beginning to irritate me. I figure I can buy some furniture from IKEA when Carrie and Dennis go down there. A futon would be nice or something to that effect.

Things are going wonderfully with Chris. I love him. Okay, I know itís way to soon but I do. Things are just really good and Iím enjoying who he is. But we havenít said the words. I know how I feel so Iím secure in that. No talk on meeting his folks but thatís okay. I figure that he will introduce me when the time is right but his parents work a lot. His mother works in a factory M Ė F and then she waitresses on the weekend. His Dad works a lot too so thereís not a lot of time possibly to meet them. In the almost 3 months of knowing Chris, heís only been out there once so itís not like heís out there a lot. All that matters is that Iím enjoying myself and enjoying his company. Weíre possibly going camping this weekend (depending on the weather). So Iím looking forward to a romantic getaway because there is nothing better than snuggling with someone you care about when itís a tad bit chilly out. Heís got this weekend off so he wants to take advantage of it. The only thing that will be stopping us is the weather so pray for some sunny skies in Northern Michigan on Saturday/Sunday.

Well, itís been six months since breaking up with Shawn. Funny thing is that it feels like itís been ages ago. Six months ago he said I would regret this decision and guess what? I HAVE NOT REGRETED ONE BIT!!! Iím so glad I dumped that LOSER. He really brought me down. When he exited my life, I became a lot happier. My whole attitude changed. Today I was thinking that he must have had a mood disorder or something because he was always grumpy, had a bad attitude, and he never appeared to stable mood wise. One thing that Iím really happy about is that I have not seen or heard from him since. I have no desire to see him ever again, as rude as that sounds. When Iím done with someone, Iím done. I always let people hang themselves with all the rope I give them. Itís kind of like my best friend from high school. TraceyÖpure evil. She was another one of those unbalanced people. She would berate me in front of others and just enjoy it. She did countless acts of unkind behavior so when she left Central after her first semester of college, I told her to get lost. Three years ago she tried to make contact with me but I wanted nothing to do with that and I basically told her to get lost. I donít need people like that in my life so Iím very happy that people like that are no longer my friends. I know when the school reunion comes around this year, I am kind of dreading bumping into her. Half of me wonders if she will come, the other half hopes that she doesnít show. Speaking of the school reunion I have no idea on how to get information on my class reunion and when it is. Since I know no one, I doubt if they will attempt to find me. My sister said that a month ago she ran into this person who recognized her as a {my last name} girl and she said that her husband Ryan (who was my class president) is looking for me to come to the reunion because he did not know where to find me. So I some how got to get into contact with RyanÖand I donít have a clue on how to do that because he is not listed. Should I call my high school, do you think they would know? I really want to go now because I like who I am and I want to show those idiots of the Marine City Class 1993 who Iíve become. Okay, there not all idiots but those spoiled apples really upset the apple cart. Iím just happy that Iíve lost the weight because I wonít be a target of ridicule. Yes, the people who I went to school with would be the type of shallow individuals where they make fun of you because of the weight gain.

Work is going fine. Nothing too much going on there for once. Itís like an eerie quiet. I just mind my p and qís and fly under the radar. Bonnie my friend from the agency got a new position at work. She is now the nurse and a part time case manager. Itís amazing that the switch gave her a new release on life because her attitude is a hell of a lot better now. For a while there, I was distancing myself from her because she was getting so negative. Itís nice to see her happy again. I told Teresa that I was not moving back to Louisville two weeks ago and she was disappointed. As much as I love Louisville, itís not the right place for me right now. I figured out in late January that it wasnít. I donít want a Ph.D. I donít want to sacrifice my life for the pursuit of higher education. Besides, half of me thinks that I was just running to Louisville to escape Shawn, now thatís not an issue. Iím going to see where things take me because Iím just really happy right now with life, and enjoying every minute of it.

Well, I hope you all are doing great out there. Keep exercising and eating well! I promise I wonít let my entries lapse any more like this! Take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since May 6, 2003