# Of Days On Diet Current Weight Start Weight Goal Weight Total Pounds Lost
165 203 237 140 34

October 31, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming. For Stats go to my swimming page

I trick or treated up till I was a senior in high school. Me and my friend Jody Ferriby went every year in high school. If you saw Freaks and Geeks last night on NBC, it brought back old memories of me trick or treating. I always got that attitude from people that I was too old to be out begging for candy. Mostly older people yelled at me, but I figured then thereís only once time in your life you can trick or treatÖand thatís when youíre a child so I lived it up. My favorite Halloween costume was a coal miner. I dressed up in a coal miner shirt, painted my face black, and I had a hard hat, I was four. My mom was always creative; she made my sister and me the cutest Halloween outfits. She made my sister a cool tiger outfitÖit was awesome, Carrie wore it for years. OhÖgood memories are priceless, arenít they?

TOM popped up today, I wasnít surprised because my body is like a clock. But I was surprised that I lost another pound, wow, because usually I retain the water heavily! Hopefully I will be down to 200 pretty soon because Iíve just been hovering around that mark for about a month now. Not that Iím trying to rush anything but still, it would be nice to say ďHEY, IíM 199!!!Ē Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie 237/203/140 63 MORE POUNDS TO GO!!!!

October 30, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes, Fastest lap: 28.18 (lap 1) Slowest lap: 38.13 Average 33.37

I had to stay here this weekendÖsorry Kristina, no new pic tomorrow. I think Iím going to have a swimming stat page and have a Black and White Picture (yup, Iím not daring enough to go Color) of me in my bathing suit. My black and white web cam is okay but the pictures are crappy so thatís why I donít post them in black and whites anymore. If I could get a better resolution with them I would be happy but no luck so farÖmaybe if I toy with it a bit I could get something good.

I stayed here this weekend because I have a research presentation due on Thursday and I have a proposal due for research too so itís a research weekend. Luckily the presentation is done in a group. I got really lucky this time when it came down to group projects because the people Iím working with are great. Research is not my forte but Iím good at the technical stuff like designing the power-point for the project. Other groups in my class are ripping each other heads offÖand social workers are supposed to be collaborative? HummÖfunny because they are not showing it. Oh, I was so lucky this time!

Ah, not expecting any losses tomorrow because TOM will be showing up soon. Rats! At least I can expect a big loss next week! Take care all-Kellie

October 28, 1999

This is a weird week. First, the king of all media, Howard Stern, has been out all week because he is sick and his separation from his wife Alison. This is sad. Howard loves Alison so much. Itís like you hate Howard or you love him. I love him; Iím a big fan of the show. On Monday, he announced that he was getting separated from his wife of 21 years. See itís strange because like me, Howard discusses personal details with his listeners, I on the other hand write about my personal life in my journal. Over the years, Howardís family has been like a friend, yes, I donít know him but I care. If it came down to Howard giving up his show or saving his marriageÖI would miss him but I would rather see him give up the show than the marriage. For you Stern haters, well his wife didnít leave him because of his on air tactics but because of his anti-social personality. I guess when he goes home, he wants to be alone a lot. Alison is sick of this and she worries about the future, when they grow older being alone/together wonít be much of a life. Itís sadÖwhichever way you look at it.

Okay this model egg thing is disgusting even though they quote (taken from their site at www.ronsangels.com) ďIt is not our intention to suggest that we make a super society of only beautiful people. This site simply mirrors our current society, in that beauty usually goes to the highest bidder. There are of course many other attributes that impart an advantage in our increasingly competitive society. Such as intelligence, talent, personality and social skills. There is beauty in all life forms.Ē BULL*HIT. This practice of models selling eggs is sickening because itís based on probable beauty. Oh, I can see it now a highly beautiful society. We already know that beauty is an asset in society but is it going to be worse? I guess though there is a trade offÖ.most models are not very brightÖ(okay, I had to get a jab in somewhere!)

I lost my drivers license and swim card on campus today. It was hot out so I took off my jacket and they slipped out of my coat pocket. When I discovered this about an hour later, I retraced my steps to find the missing ids and no sign of them. Luckily when I got home a woman found it that worked in the Busarís office at school. I am so happy because someone turned it in! Ahahah, a random act of kindness! Take care all-Kellie

October 27, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming. Fastest lap: 26.83 (lap 31), Slowest lap: 35.87 (lap 39), Average: 31.77

Iím getting evaluated today at my internship. I hate evaluations because they are always so one sided. Itís not like Iím not doing poorly but it seems like when I get evaluated my weaknesses are the little tiny things. You know they nit pick you. I guess thatís what I have to get used to because my social work-work life will be plagued by evaluations. Getting evaluated is like having your papers graded. You know that when they grade ĺ of it is graded by content and the rest is graded on APA style, Grammar, etc. Grading is so subjective, really it is. If you write a paper about something that the professor particularly does not care for, I bet your grade will be lower. Like this semester, Iím pulling all Aís right now. Which is amazing. I have never pulled this type of grades in a long time. My GPA is around 3.49, which is good, but to have all 4.0s is scary. In my social work practice class, every week I have a paper to turn in and week after week Iím receiving Aís while my other colleagues are getting Bís in this class. Though, that would be awesome if I get a 4.0 overall this semester. Itís hard to believe that I only have 4 more weeks of classes to attend, man this semester is going by fast.

I ate 4 pieces of candy yesterday. I had a milkway, a three musketeers, a Reese pieces, and a kit kat. They were those snack sizes. I usually donít go for candy but I had that chocolate craving yesterday. I got to stay away from them because chocolate is addicting. You know we are in a scary time-> Itís the holiday season. First we have Halloween, then 25 days later Thanksgiving, then 30 days later ChristmasÖah- weíve got to pull together because itís going to be really easy to fall off the bunny trail. We can indulge but we canít go over board. Maybe we can start to compile a list of tips to keep each other going because my weakness is Christmas, the candy, the nuts, etc. We can make it but itís going to be roughÖbut Iím dedicated! If you have any ideas email me and Iíll create a page. Take care all-Kellie

October 26, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour swimming. Fastest lap: Lap 37 with 26.10 sec, Slowest lap: Lap 17 35.87 sec. Average: 32.72

Hi everyoneÖI have a major pet peeve with the news networks. Have you ever noticed when 20/20, World News Tonight, and Dateline when they talk about Obesity they focus on a large womanís bum? Why do they always show larger womenís backsides? What point are they trying to make? Do they enjoy showing the rolls and curves of a large womanís body? What about men? I find that a huge beer belly would prove a point too! Whereís the equality in this? STRANGE!

I have a headache. Maybe itís from two things, my internship and swimming this morning (I think I gushed in too much water this morning). My internship was horrible today because the system (Foster-care) sucksÖI hate the foster care system. I canít go into too many details but I donít think the system looks at the childrenís needs very well. Thatís my opinion (and Iím directing my anger to one specific county in Indiana!) Ah, the joys of being a social worker.

Swimming went good today. I noticed that my legs are getting more toned than usual. Iím so happy that I began to swim. I think adding a fitness regimen to a healthier lifestyle is important. Maybe the weight is not slinking off me very fast but it is steady. For me, I would rather lose it slow and indulge in the little things than to lose it fast and deprive myself of stuff. I know if I was attempting to lose it fast, (this is only regarding me) I would not be eating like a humanÖbut a rabbit. I was like that before. I would deprive myself of what I really want. I think if you eat normal and add the exercise, you will lose weight. Iím happy with my five pounds month, thatís what my average is. Though, I do hope to be at least 170 by Graduation. I know that 140 is impossible by may but Iíll get there sometime. Even if itís next September or October. I will reach my goals of 140 someday. Yes, Iím stumbled off the bunny trail at times but Iím not going to give up on my goal because as the old Virginia Slims Ads said ďYouíve come a long ways, babyĒ. You bet I have! Take care all-Kellie

October 24, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour

I lost 3 pounds this week. I lost the two I gained last week plus an additional one. I hope that I will drop below 200 before mid-November. When I do drop below 200, it will be time to eat less points.

A son of my parentís friend died on Friday night. Itís strange when people dieÖIíve always thought itís when you get kicked out of your body. Iím afraid of deathÖreally afraid. Itís not that I donít believe in God (I do) but itís the scariest thing. I have never lost anyone close to me, so I lack coping skills of dealing with death. Can you imagine thatÖ.Iím 24 and I have never lost anyone close to me. Thatís good but bad in a way. I fear the death of my parents the mostÖmaybe even more than my own. Itís hard to think that one day I will be without them. Sometimes Iím bitterÖmy dad is older than my mom, heís 64 and in good health and my mom is 49 in good healthÖI know I shouldnít think about it but I do, I want my parents to be around to see their grandchildren. I pray that they stay in good health. When I eventually do lose someone, I will need some major counseling. As being a social worker, I also know that I will have to refer people out when dealing with grief issues because I cannot deal with grief myself!

Swimming is going good. I would have had my swim time average up but I pressed the wrong button when calculating my workout so I have no idea what my average was today. Iím glad that I started to swim because Iím seeing a difference in my body, like my legs and arms are getting more toned. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie 237/204/140 64 more to go!!!

October 23, 1999

The Blair Witch tape was interestingÖ.mildly scary. The best part about the film was that it really hits you concerning getting lost. If you have been lost before this really plays on your emotions. When I get lost I start to panic bad. A couple of months back I got lost in the west end of Louisville (extremely unsafe neighborhood) so I went through some of those panic emotions. Anyways, getting back to the Blair witch, Iím not itching to camp out in the woods any time soon. Though, if you donít know too much about the movie head on over to Blair Witch Website to get some background info on it. It may help watching the movie.

I spent the day lounging, grocery shopping, and cleaning. Iím still not done yet. I cleaned my living room and half of my kitchen but I have decided that I will attack the rest of the place tomorrow. The worst is in my bedroom; I have clothes thrown everywhere. I was just too busy the last couple of weeks to cleanÖshame on me. The grocery trip was costly $100, which is a lot. I am wondering what the heck I bought but my fridge is full and so is my cabinet. I havenít been shopping in 5 weeks so I guess thatís pretty good. I was down to my last package of chicken and fish. I have been eating a lot of fish lately. I tried a new packaged meal from Meijers today. It smelled good but it tasted horrible. So much for trying something different. I would have been better off to make my own meal. I noticed one thing about myself when cooking; I hardly ever have beef. Itís just rarely that I make it. I usually eat chicken or fish. StrangeÖWell tomorrow is weighin day! Take care all-Kellie

October 22, 1999

Exercise: 1hour of swimming. Average time in laps: 42.71 (this could be wrong because itís the first time I used a lap monitor.

ITíS THE WEEKEND PEOPLE!!!!YAHOOO! Can I emphasize that more? I hate to wish time a way but I have been dreaming about the weekend all week. I will engage in a weekend of sitting around and doing very little. I want minimal interaction with the outside world. Thatís one good thing about being single, I can be alone when I want. Ah, itís going to be greatÖI rented two videos to watch tonight/tomorrow. I rented the Blair Witch Project and Election. I just had to rent Blair Witch because itís the buzzÖI usually donít like scary flicks because life is scary enough but I thought it would be a nice change for me. The only thing that is keeping me from watching the movies tonight are that Providence was on and Now and Again is on. I love Now and AgainÖfinally a good show on CBS and the main character is a major hottie.

I just a lap counter by Speedo. It calculates my laps/time. It was $36.99 but it was worth it. I also got a Zoggs Super Absorbent Towel. This towel is great; the water just disappears from my body when I use it. I really didnít feel like swimming tonight. My back is hurting me today. I think I pulled a muscle the other day. I used swim fins for the first time on Wednesday so I was probably doing them wrong. I convinced myself that I wasnít going to go but I did. When I got in the water, my back didnít hurt but when I got out of the pool I was in some pain. Iím doing better now, I put my feet up.

I learned something new this week. According to my mental health professor, parents should not take away kids blankies or teddiesÖaccording to Klein, Freud, it messes up their object relations theory because the items represent security which represents MOMÖso if you mess with a little oneís security, you screw up their world (temporarily)Öinteresting huh? Well thatís his theory. Take care all-Kellie

October 21, 1999

Is it the weekend yet? AhÖthis week has been horribly busy, no time for me to relax. Well, this weekend all I am going to do is sit and vege in my apartment and do nothing. Itís been 3 weeks since I have had a weekend that involved not running any where. I canít wait!

I slipped on a dress that I wasnít able to wear back in May and it fits. I couldnít even put it on in May and now it looks great on me! Wow, itís great to see progress and a body reshaping itself. Pretty soon I have to get rid of my large clothes because I donít want to keep them around. After I get them dry cleaned, Iím going to put them on EBAY so I can make some money from them. They are nice business suits so they are worth something. Well take care all-Kellie

October 19, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes swimming

Ate pretty good today but it was one of those crazy social work days at my internship. I canít say much but I just have to say that the foster care system is messed up in some locations. Iím not going to generalize the system as a whole because each county over in Indiana control their system but there are some backward @ss individuals running the system. Sometimes I swear I think that social workers forget whom they work for -->the client! Not the company they work for! Enough said about that.

I love swimming in the morning. When I go I like it to be peaceful and quiet. I hate it when the kids are there because they are noisy. I like it quiet so I can concentrate on what I am doing and so I can have some inner peace. Thatís the great thing about swimming, you do something good for your body as well as your mind. Thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

October 18, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes swimming

Okay, so I wasnít too good this weekend, in fact, I was horrible! I treated the weekend like a mass fast food frenzy. I ate at Mc Donaldís, Big Boys, A&W Root Beer, Taco Bell, and had some bar food. I ate a ton of fried food, had 2 donuts, 4 mixed drinks, and who knows what else. So I didnít follow my plan this weekend and I GAINED 2 POUNDS. I feel lucky that I only gained 2. So you bet today, I got back on my plan. Iím thinking ahead to the futureÖthis was only a momentarily set back.

I had a good weekend. It was great to be back in Mt. Pleasant. I was amazed to see that Michiganís Fall is almost overÖit looked like November up there. I bet they are going to have an early winter. The only people I saw that I knew was my friends Sarah and Rob, and Sarahís sister. It was just great to be there.

I was ticked off at geocities for messing with my page. I guess every page with Geoguides on it, it was unable to load (Thanks Arielle for letting me know why). I find the Yahoo merger a pain because to tell you the truth I liked the old setup better. Geocities just had to go and merger with YahooÖWell thatís it for me today! Take care all-Kellie 237/207/140 67 more to go!!!

October 14, 1999

Had some chili todayÖbad idea. I shall never subject myself to that again because I spent the whole time in the bathroom this evening plus I added the lovely pains of gas. I will think before I eatÖit smelled good, it tasted good but boy it didnít feel good.

As I was getting my lunch I saw the most beautiful guy today. Me and my friend Teresa went to the upstairs dinning restaurants at the university and when we were getting our charbroiled chicken sandwiches at Chick-fill-a there he was. A blonde hair, blue-eyed, slightly ripped guy. Ah, my imagination went wild for a second. I have a special place in my heart for guys who look like that. It stems from my eternal flame Jim. I met Jimmy when I was 17 and a bagger at Meijers in Chesterfield Township, MI. The first time I saw him, he took my breath. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He was outside with another co-worker and I looked over and he smiled. I had to ask another worker ďWhoís that guy out there?Ē, they said his name was Jimmy and his mother was the gas station manager. Time went on and I started talking with him. You know making that conversational talk with him while adding a spice of flirtation. I finally get the nerve to ask him out at Christmas time 1992, I wanted to go to a New Years Eve Party with him. When I asked him he said, ďYesĒ. We went, had a good time and flirted some more. Nothing physical ever happened because he was two years younger than I but we had a good time. He got busy with school and he started to work less. I then gave up on having a dating relationship with him so I started to date someone else. Then spring came along, I asked him out again but it was his brotherís birthday. The next week, he got caught shoplifting and he was subsequently fired. Luckily, I was friends with his mother. A month later she had me come watch his La Crosse game. I did and after that we hung out the whole summer. I went off to college and he went on with his life. I started dating Mike so I couldnít go running around with Jim, especially when my feelings were so strong for him. After breaking up with Mike, I didnít want to see him because I started to get heavy so I definitely didnít want to see him because I was embarrassed about myself. Last Christmas, I found his email on yahoo and I sent him an email. He quickly responded back. He dated a girl for three years broke up and then began to date a girl named Lori. Heís in love. I send him an occasional email and I plan on visiting him when my weight gets a little lower. But thatís why I have a special place in my heart for blonde guys that look like him because he was the one that slipped through my graspsÖwe were at different places in life. Maybe we could have had something, maybe we couldnítÖ

Today was the first time I really looked at men today. I didnít look great todayÖactually I looked pretty scummy. I was sporting some jeans and t-shirt with a Atlanta Braves hat (I just like the colors) and I was smiling at men and you know what, they were smiling back. I havenít done that in a long time.

Well folks, Iím off to Mt. Pleasant, Michigan this weekend for homecoming at Central Michigan University. Wish me a safe trip and good healthy eating! Take care all-Kellie

October 13, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming

Iím tired this week. Itís like I donít have any energy. I have to slow down and stop running on weekends because it wears me out. Since I had too many hours at my internship this week, Iím only going in tonight to take my client to La Maze class. Next weekend, Iíll be able to rest some because Iím not going to go anywhere. Iím going to park my bum in my apartment and do absolutely nothing! Oh, now wouldnít that be great. I shouldnít complain too much but Iím also going to look at what Iím eating because maybe Iím not eating what I am supposed to do. Like this morning, I went swimming early so I ate breakfast at 10:00 am. I studied for about 2 hours and then I took an hour nap. Then I finally saw my landlady for the first time in about a month and when I was chatting with her I started to feel lighthead/dizzy so I came in and ate. Possibly, I need to make sure that I eat at certain times so I can avoid this feeling because that is not good. After chatting with her I looked at my face in the mirror and it was pale. I feel better now but if Iím making myself feel this way I need to pinpoint where I need to make immediate changes because I donít need to be feeling like Iím going to pass out. Well thatís it for me today, take care-Kellie

October 12, 1999

Today was pretty much uneventful but I went to Indianapolis for an adoption coalition meeting with the other social worker at my internship. It was an hour and half up and back. The meeting was pretty much worthless because a woman because to talk about her personal issues which took an hour to go through. Besides that the internship is going great because itís flexible and I am learning a lot so far. So no complaints there. The place I worked at this summer is encountering people leaving left and right. I thinks itís that jerk off Curtis the clinical director because one of my former co-workers told me that he was calling people on their day off to complain about what they did wrong on their shift the night before. I allowed that job to get to me this summer. I mean, I totally doubted myself as a social worker because I allowed Curtis to get under my skin. Ah, thank goodness I got out!

Iím not going to exercise today because Iím a tad tired and I want to swim tomorrow morning so it would be useless to swim tonight and go back again tomorrow.

Iím gearing up for homecoming at Central Michigan!!! YEHAW, I get to visit my former stomping grounds! Me, Carrie (sister), Dennis (brother in law), and Shawn are going up there Saturday to see the game and the parade. Iím so excited because I love CMU. Weíre going to hook up with two of my friends, Rob and Sarah. The bad thing is that I havenít seen Sarah since last homecoming and Iím only going to see her on Saturday from 10:00 Ė 6:00 because Rob wants to go home and see a Lions Game that Sunday. I hate that because I miss Sarah dearly and itís been ages since I have chatted with her. I find Rob annoying at times because itís always what he wantsÖyou know that ME, ME, ME, attitude. I should be glad that I get to see them anyways. Well, take care all-Kellie

October 11, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes of swimming

Wow, I lost three pounds this week and when I did my measurements, I lost a ton of inches. So Iím doing okay. I went home to my parents this weekend to see a Loretta Lynn concert. For 70 years old she can really put on a show. I like old style country music like Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, and Dolly. I donít like the new stuff at all. Iím more of a rock lover, always have been.

I didnít feel like swimming today but I did. I felt tired, probably from all the running around I did this weekend. On Saturday my dad got front tires for my car and they noticed the calipers on the car was not working properly so we had to get them fixed. $300 dollars later, they still didnít fix them right because I had to hold my brake to the floor! I stayed the night last night and took it in this morning. They fixed it but it threw my schedule out the windowÖhereís itís Monday, and Iím already running. Well, Iím tired (Itís 11:15 pm) so you all take care and Iíll write more tomorrow-Kellie 237/205/140 65 more to go!!!

October 7, 1999

Exercise: 1hour swimming

One of my classes was cancelled today so I was sitting at home watching the local TV station. Every day they have a call in show for the local areas where people can call in to discuss various topics. The topic today was weight and being overweight in our society. I think we all have experienced some type of oppression or discrimination in our society due to our weight. The first thing that comes to mind is clothing. Clothing is a big part of who we are. We pick certain clothing to present ourselves to the world as if saying ďThis is meÖĒ or ďI would like to be viewed like thisÖĒ but we are limited in those choices. Like, Iíve said beforeÖthere is no selection for big women. The plus sizes are hidden between the maternity section and the petite section. And if you wander over to that plus size section, what is the size range? 16 Ė 24. I donít know about you but I was a 22 @ 240Ö so what happens to women who are larger than 24? Where do they shop? I was in the checkout line at Meijers and I saw a cover of a magazine that showed a larger sized african-american womanÖunder her picture it said DARING LARGER CLOTHES STYLES IN 12, 14, and 16. When did a size 12 or 14 become a ďLargerĒ size? Darn, even in my skinniest days my smallest size was an 11. I would be perfectly happy in a size 12, 14, or 16. Another thingÖI hate fashion mags. I will never look like a woman in one of those (nor would I want to) and have you noticed that most womenís magazineís focus on weight issues or keeping your man happy. Take a look at menís magazine, do they ever mention those subjects? Of course not! Men donít worry about their bodyÖthe only thing they come close to in dealing with body image is losing their hair. Anyways, the discussion on the television show went into how people lose weight to conform to societies standards. I would like to think that Iím not but in a way am I? I want to be a proper weight, wear nice designer clothes (were I get a ton of choices to pick what I want to wear), and I want to live a healthy lifestyle. I think I found the proper time in my life to lose weight. Nothing before this time could have worked for me because I wasnít committed to making this a life style change. I have no explanation for why itís working for me now but it feels great to lose the weight. And now I know itís not for society but itís for me, I want to lose the weight.

Well all thatís it for me today. Iím going home this weekend to London, so I can see Loretta Lynn in concert at Renfro Valley (I love old style ye-haw like Loretta, Dolly, and PatsyÖI detest the new stuff). So take care all and enjoy your weekend.-Kellie

October 6, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming

I woke up this morning thinking I really like my body. Itís been a long time that I havenít said that but I do. I looked at my legs and they looked strong. I looked at my stomach and it seemed smaller. When I was younger, probably about 15 or 16, I always said that if I get the chance I would get plastic surgery. Do I think that now? NO WAY. I was born with the genetics given to me by my parents, I could never redo my outside appearance. I am comfortable with my looks. I am shaped like a pear, I have huge hips and thighs (and they will still be large when I am 140) but for me to think about getting fat sucked out of my thighs would be unnatural, my fat cells are there to stay.

I was just looking in the mirror this morning and my face is looking slimmer. I never viewed my face as huge but something is different now because it is looking smaller. I am slowly running out of clean clothes so I had to wear one of my 22 sized outfits and I am drowning in them. I have a ton of room in my pants in the waist and thigh area. Oh, losing the weight is so worth this feeling. Itís great to see this kind of progress. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

October 5, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming

I forgot to chat about something yesterday, that I really wanted to. When I was driving to my internship yesterday I heard Howard Stern talk about how WW is offering Monica Lewinsky a MILLION DOLLARS to represent them. I guess she weighs 223 pounds and if she loses 100 pounds she can be the spokesperson for WW. I think that is silly for them to do thatÖthey donít need Monica to represent their product. What they should do is get real women who have lost. I get more inspiration from the average person than to have a spokesperson be only known forÖhaving ďintimate relationsĒ with our fine president. I still canít get over it. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING!!!! (please tell me because I have no clue)

The pool was empty today. Ah, it felt good to have no one there. I vow to swim in the morning because at night itís way too packed. I like to think about things when I swim because it helps me gain insight into myself. Plus it feels so good to be in the water. When I was in Michigan, I lived near the St. Clair River. Oh, it was so fun in the summer when we used to swim and float down the river on some tubes. I found that water (being in it or near it) has a calming effect. I hate to exercise but I love to swim so thank goodness I found something for me!

It was so chilly this morning that I had to wear my field coat. I havenít put it on in two years. I know that because I had some paper in my pocket from when I was a senior in college. I bought the jacket for $15 at Wal-Mart and I was never able to fully button it at the bottom, I think I was around 225 then. I just let it hang open. Well guess what, it fits now! I canít wait till I try on some more clothes to see how Iím doing. I figure clothing has a 20 pound range of how well it fits. I have a ton of sweaters at home that I would like to wear this winter. Iím keeping my fingers crossed. Well take care all-Kellie

October 4, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes swimming

Itís 52 degrees out in Louisville, Kentucky!!!! I am freezing my bum off. This is like Michigan weather in early November. It was a little cool this morning but then it got increasingly cold. When I left for the pool @ 7:50am it was a little chilling but when I walked out at 9:30 am with my wet head I was downright cold. I wore a j crew sweater today so I could feel somewhat warm but it just didnít do the job right today because itís too darn cold out!

I hate several things (and several people, *lol) in this world but what I really hate is the University of Louisvilleís Financial Aid Office. People who work there, especially the administrators should be hung by their toenails because they just seem like they cannot get their job done right. Iíve been trying to get on a community aid grant where my internship will be paid for but Iíve had to reject some of my finical. Finally after 5 hours (different days) of standing in lines and chatting with people I will be getting the grant. Shame on U of Lís officeÖI swear I dislike that school strongly but hey itís a graduate school. The Kent School of Social Work is an independent unit at U of L but they are at least a little better acting towards the students. So I have no beef with the Kent School but just U of L.

Speaking of U of L, I was on campus today (Iím usually on campus Thursdays and Fridays) to get things straightened out at financial aid and this guy in a dorm window yells out to me ďHey there you sexy thing, woo, woo, come over here and give me some honeyĒ. This is my major pet peeve so I yell out ďSTOP THAT, YOU ARE BEING DISRESPTFUL.Ē He said no more. I think itís the worst thing a guy could do is to yell and make gawking noises. Even if I see a hot man, I just internalize my ďwoo, woosĒ. I just think that behavior is rude when guys do thatÖ

I canít wait till I go home and dive into some of my old clothes. 10 more pounds and I will start to fit in some of the stuff I own. Tomorrow, Iím going to take my measurements because TOM has finally leftÖhe wonít be back for another month, thank goodness! My workouts are getting better and so is my endurance. What I do is swim 4 lengths of the pool then, I use the kick board for 2 lengths. In two more weeks, I can add two more lengths. Ah, I love swimming because it gives me time to think and process stuff that is going on in life. Lately, Iíve been addict to a couple of websites and I love Astropheís Pink Pig Scribbles so check it out if you get a chance because Iím very impressed with her site and her pics. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

October 3, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming

I went swimming this morning. It was a great workout because I pushed myself hard. The pool was packed with the Masterís Swim Team. The masterís team is comprised of people who are over 18 and they competitively swim with other teams. In a year, I would like to be on a team like that. I just need to work on my form and I have to learn how to do flip turns. The German girl from my practice class said she was going to teach my how to do the turns. When I was on the swim team in high school, I tried to do them but it would cause a funny feeling in my nose and ears. Maybe I can get some earplugs or something.

I finally lost a pound this week. I think I will do better when I get off TOM because I tend to water gain before and during TOM. Right afterward, I lose the water steadily. When I was driving home from the pool I was wondering where does the weight go? I mean does that fat burn off and how old is the fat on my body? Stupid questions, but Iím really undereducated about the fat that surrounds my body. If anyone knows, please post it on the buddy board because I really want to know. I was checking myself today in the mirror when I was wearing my sports bra and Iím beginning to look good in it. I still have that patch of tummy fat but itís shrinking. My legs are getting smaller too, I think the swimming is helping a great deal.

I went to the grocery store this afternoon and I bought four bags of Pollock fish. The only thing I hate about making fish is that fishy smell in my apartment because it really stinks the place up. I even bought a gladeís plug in to combat it. Well the smell is worth it because the fish is really good for me plus itís a nice variety. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie 237/208/140 68 more to go!!!!

October 2, 1999

2 hours walking around an art fairÖyup, I counted it as exercise!

Went to the St. James Art Fair in Downtown Louisville. I went with a friend from class Theresa and her friend Amanda. We walked around for two hours. They had some nice crafts but I didnít see anything that caught my eye. We ran into some friends from school and we chatted with them for a bit. It was the perfect day out for the fair because it was sunny and cool. I had my first Coke today, itís been 4 months though, it tasted good. I got a sandwich from a deli for lunch so I ate pretty healthy today.

You know whatís the greatest love song in my opinion? ďWithout YouĒ by Motley Crue. I got their greatest hits CD and I forgot how good that song is. Damn, they had some good ballads. Iím a rock person, my first concert was Gunís and Roses with Aerosmith in 1988, I was in the eighth grade and I went with my best friend Tracy. That was the best concert Iíve ever been to. I also enjoyed seeing Lenny Kravitiz back in 1993 with my eternal flame Jim. I also got Kid Rockís new CD; I find it ironic that I saw him a few years back when he was a nobody. The CD has 3 good songs but the rest are crap. Iíve been listening to the Police recently too and they of course are fabulous.

I must say the new shows out this year really bite. Whatís going on with television, have they ran out of ideas or what? The only great show out of the new lineups is Now and Again on CBS. I like the concept where the main character died and they put his brain in a super body and he is supposed to forgot his other life. He loved his wife dearly and he made contact with her in last nights show. Itís good, the main character is gorgeous and the characters actually have chemistry. Iím a big Providence lover too. I saw Mike Farrell (the dad, he was on MASH) in a cheesy UPN flick todayÖit was horrible. My favorite character on the show is hard to pick because I like them all. They feel like a family.

I found out that my first boyfriend is getting married. Itís weird how I found out too because I have no connections to Marine City, Michigan anymore. Anyways, on my AOL profile I say thank god I got out of Marine City when I did (or something like that). So this guy from AOL sends me an email stating Kentucky isnít any better. So I IM him a message and we chat a bit. Then he sent me a link from a high school alumni board and I look to see whoís on there from Marine City and my first boyfriend, David Edgington, was on there. His profile said he is graduating from Oakland University with a Business Information Systems degree and he is getting married in June of 2000. It was a surreal feeling to see that. I felt sad but happy in a way. David was probably the best boyfriend I ever had in all my relationshipsÖI guess those young tender relationships are the sweetest in ones memory. We dated for a year and a half in junior high and high school. He was dorky, but cute with glasses. We were like two cute geeks in love. I ended it very badly on my birthday with him because I allowed my best friend to influence me to dump him. I was horrible to David after that. I teased him unmercifully but it was only because I wanted him back, I wanted some attention from him. David never dated anyone else in high school; he never went to the Prom, or homecoming. I was shitty to him, I always wondered if my affiliation with him some how ruined his reputation. Well, here ten years later and heís getting married and Iím not even close to the altar. In away that it was sad because I actual felt alone for some reason, everyone I know is getting married. Next year alone I have 3 weddings to attend. When my sister was picking out her wedding gown, I couldnít help but feel pains of jealously of not having that special someone yet. I feel pressure sometimes (mainly by myself) to just commit to someone but then of course I would create my own hell because I wouldnít be happy with what I have right now.

Wow, I had a lot to say today. I think I did well this week but TOM came on Thursday so I donít know which way the scale is going to tip. TOM came about 5 days early this month which is strange because usually Iím like clock work. Well thatís it all, take care-Kellie

October 1, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour swimming

Welcome to October all! Wow, itís only two more months until DecemberÖcan you believe it? Time is flying by fast. The only thing that I am going to do tonight is to clean my place and finally watch some TV plus Iím going to go to the pool tonight. I look forward to swimming because it is a great stress reliever.

I wrote this paper on my weight for my Advanced Practice I Social Work which deals with narrative therapy. Iím going to post it on the website if anyone wantís to see it. I got an A on it plus I got to read it aloud in class. It was hard to read it because it was so personal but in a way, I felt better about myself because it was like letting go of all those years of dieting. If you are interested in reading it, go here. Iím pretty proud of the paper and Iím proud that I read it but I really felt like I was going to cry in class because it was so intimate.

I ate okay so far today. For breakfast I had my usual shredded wheat and milk. For lunch, I ate a charbroiled chicken sandwich and a cup of soup from Chickafil (boy that was yummy). Iím not too sure what Iím going to eat for supper but Iíll get something. Well thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since October 1, 1999

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